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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27629192">i'm down on my knees and i need you to be my god.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/caroline11/pseuds/caroline11'>caroline11</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Formula 1 RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Open Ending?, Panic Attacks, max has emotional capasity for both of them</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:28:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,002</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27629192</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/caroline11/pseuds/caroline11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>But Max was guilty of liking it. Liking the late-night calls, liking the vulnerability it carried that could be easily<br/>hidden under the dark. So he picked up his phone and called.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'm down on my knees and i need you to be my god.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Max won. Finally. He finally conquered that invisible mountain he created for himself. The championship was his.</p><p>“Congratulations Max. You did it,” Christian called on his radio while Max drove the car back to the pits.</p><p>Max was buzzing. Buzzing with energy, with his high, with relief. It was finally over. Sure, he had Lando or his sister here but he felt lonely most of the time. But now it was over and he could breathe a bit easier.</p><p>Podium celebrations and media afterwards went in a blur. </p><p>The afterparty was basically a big window for him. There were litres and litres of alcohol consumed and Max was sure that he smoked weed at some point too. But it was the end of the season so who cared. </p><p>The Morning after was hard. The sun was streaming through open curtains straight into max s closed eyes. His head hurt way too much, his stomach was doing somersaults and his whole body felt incredibly weird. That's what you get for celebrating that much, he said to himself.</p><p>Max slowly opened his eyes and blinked at a white ceiling. It hurt his head but he needs to get himself to shower so can wash everything off. </p><p>Max registered movement next to him and groaned instantly. This wasn't here for long so why does he have to deal with it now? Hungover and tired. He stood up, swayed a little, got hold of the wall, walked to the bathroom and hoped that the naked stranger in his bed would sort themselves out somehow.</p><p>Turned out he was right because when he switched the water off the door to his hotel room fell shut. He was alone again.</p><p>Not that Max was rushing to get to the airport but his private jet was waiting for him and he just wanted to leave this circus behind.</p><p>Everything was set again. Reality dawned on him and he just wanted a few minutes of silence before his dad would burst through his front door and start to analyze everything Max did. Like always. </p><p>As Max was about to reach for some clothes his phone lit up. He abandoned his suitcase and took the device into his hands. The message on his phone was staring at him back the same way he was staring at it. A bit rudely if Max would say so himself. Display eventually faded but Max stayed sitting on his bed with just a towel around his waist helplessly staring.</p><p>The number the message was sent from was not saved in his contacts. At least not anymore. It doesn't matter because he took his time to learn it. Max remembered late nights when he couldn't sleep spent learning the phone number by heart. Rereading the compliments he got or the banter they had going on. When he thinks about it now it was shameless flirting from both sides but they just couldn't care less. They were having fun.</p><p>Max hasn't heard anything from the owner of the number since last Christmas. One unanswered message and nothing before or after. But he could relate. Not that he was making much effort himself. Max was stubborn but he knew when somebody didn't want to do anything with him. Replies to his messages got shorter and shorter until Max hasn't bothered anymore.</p><p>, Congrats champ. You did it,</p><p>Simple but unexpected. Max didn't dwell on answering it in any other way than simple thanks. He should be happy. He just won a championship.</p><p>…</p><p>It was nagging at his brain. His thanks stayed on read. Not that he expected anything different. </p><p>But what Max didn't expect was a phone call from the same number a few hours after he went to bed in his apartment in Monaco the next day. He watched it ring not knowing what to do.</p><p>Maybe he just wants to congratulate him? The phone stopped ringing after a few seconds. As if the person on the other side of the world hesitated a bit. And maybe he hesitated.</p><p>Max reached for his Ipad on the nightstand and checked the time in Australia. 9 am there so maybe he figured out that calling at one in the morning wasn't the best idea. </p><p>But Max was guilty of liking it. Liking the late-night calls, liking the vulnerability it carried that could be easily hidden under the dark. So he picked up his phone and called.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn't realise that its one am there,” Daniel said with guilt in his voice. Max could hear birds in the background and he could picture Daniel with his legs in his pool and with some coffee next to him. He knew that he used to do that some years ago when he was home.</p><p>“Don't worry about it, I wasn't asleep anyway,” Max answered and shifted in his bed. He didn't feel like having this conversation while lying down.</p><p>“Still celebrating?,” Australian asked with a smile on his face. God, he missed him. Daniel was really sitting with his legs in the pool but coffee got replaced by tea due to his anxiety playing up a bit in the last few days. But now he was okay. Bathing in the sun.</p><p>“Not really… trying to sleep off the hangover. I'm like this for two days now. And the constant rain is not helping at all. I feel awful,” Max chuckled. Weather was awful for the last few days.</p><p>“Oh, I have a lot of sun here.” Max could hear a smile in Daniel's voice. Something he knew he missed through these years. He also sensed something in his voice that told him that Daniel wanted to call. That he wanted to talk.</p><p>A bit of silence followed but it wasn't uncomfortable. The silence between them never was uncomfortable. Not when they were teammates not when they were friends.</p><p>“Hey, Max?” Daniel started with some seriousness. “I just wanted to say that you really deserve it all.”</p><p>“Thanks. I… I missed this.” And by this he meant Daniel.</p><p>“Me too. You should sleep now. If you want you can tell me all about your bad hangover when you wake up. I would call you.” And Max sensed that again. Daniel didn't want to call him because he wanted to talk about Max's horrible hangover but he just wanted to talk.</p><p>“Chose some better hour for calling. I tend to overshare at the night.”</p><p>“I know Max. Good night,” said Daniel. More like whispered but Max could hear him.</p><p>“Night.” </p><p>…</p><p>The morning was slow for Max. Sun was finally shining but it was cold for some reason. So he put on a hoodie, hid his face completely in the hood and went to get some breakfast. </p><p>It was an hour after spent mindlessly scrolling through Instagram that his phone rang again. Nearly lunch in Monaco so evening for him.</p><p>Same phone number without the name. They were best friends for a long long time.</p><p>“Its sunny but fucking cold,” said Max instead of hello. “I want nice weather. What is this? I haven't moved to Monaco for it to be like this. It's so annoying.”</p><p>“Morning to you, too, Max. Nice to hear your voice again,” answered Daniel with a smile on his face.</p><p>“It is nearly lunch. Your math is horrible.”</p><p>“My apologies, sir,” Daniel said but fell silent afterwards. </p><p>Max wondered what he wanted. After his crash, it got harder. It was okay from the start, Max spent his every free minute with Daniel but when they let him go Daniel went home to Australia. They were calling and texting but soon after Daniel stopped answering. It hurt but if that was what Daniel needed to be fine Max was happy to be left clueless and without answers. Max was ready to do anything but if Daniel wanted to move on with his life without racing he wasn't going to interfere.</p><p>“Dan, whatever you need to say get it off your chest. You will never be able to breathe otherways,” Max said it because he knew him. He knew that if Daniel stays silent about things he wants to say it would suffocate him. This character trait of his was stater of many arguments while they were teammates but Max sooner or later understand that it was just Daniel trusting him enough that he let himself feel okay. They talked it out eventually.</p><p>Daniel laughed. But it wasn't happy laugh, it was pained so much that it brought tears to Max's eyes.</p><p>“Remember when I said that life is easy?” Of course, Max remembered. It was one of their last phone calls. Quite a memorable one. They talked for hours.</p><p>“What I meant was, 'Life is easy with you here, and when you leave, it will be hard again.'” Daniel whispered.</p><p>“And I was so scared that you will go on with your life and forget about me that I distanced myself first. And it got hard again. Cuz you weren't on the other side of the phone all the time for me.”</p><p>Max could hear his ragged breathing.</p><p>“And I can't sleep and everything hurts so much and…”</p><p>“Daniel take a deep breath for me okay?“ Max knew what to do. He went through this many many times but he wasn't on the other side many times.</p><p>“Make yourself some tea and read some book, yeah? My plane is gonna land at four tomorrow. I expect you at the airport,” Max said. If somebody would ask if he looked at flight details at one in the morning yesterday after the first phone call he would argue. But he did because he knew that Daniel is going to work himself up over something sooner or later.</p><p>“Okay, see you.” And with that Daniel hung up.</p><p>…</p><p>The flight was long but Max slept through most of it. He basically sleepwalked out of it and didn't even notice how hot it actually is. </p><p>Max was ready to find himself some Uber and spend his championship bonus on it in a case that Daniel decided to hid in his house. Mansion. Farm or whatever. Daniel had his own sunset that's how big it was.</p><p>But he was standing there. Buried in black hoodie two sizes bigger than Daniel himself with hair falling on his forehead. Max didn't know if he was trying to express his independence from society with how long his hair was but he wasn't one to ask such a stupid question. </p><p>“I think you are old enough to buy clothes your size.” Okay. Max was one to say stupid stuff.</p><p>Daniel chuckled and turned around. One look was enough for Daniel to basically throw himself on Max. He was way too light for Maxs liking.</p><p>“Shall we go?”</p><p>…</p><p>You wouldn't be able to tell. People who didn't know him wouldn't be able to tell that be nearly died. Not if they didn't actively search for the small limp or the way he opened door to his car with left and not right arm. Not if they weren't sitting in the car with him and saw how his driving slowed down a lot. He didn't sing anymore but was looking at the road. Because one moment of not paying attention was what taken everything from him.</p><p>And Max observed. He just couldn't help himself with it. He needed to know if he was hiding pain, whether it was physical or psychological.</p><p>“I have horses,” said Daniel when he parked the car outside his house or whatever it was. (his own sunset ffs). </p><p>“There are people who are taking care of them but anyway. I've got horses.”</p><p>It was only after dinner that they sat down in the living room and silence fell over them.</p><p>“You wanna talk?” asked Max. </p><p>Dan's diary was sitting on the coffee table but the edges were a bit ripped and it looked like coffee was spilt over it. Multiple times.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Then go on.”</p><p>Daniel told him everything.</p>
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